我該如何和老婆溝通? - 婚姻
By Oliver
at 2011-12-11T18:13
at 2011-12-11T18:13
Table of Contents
我知道發再多篇文章也無法改善和她的關係,
但我需要旁人來給我意見批評與想法,
因為我無法和她溝通,我無法面對她對我的兇狠表情,多年來的爭吵已讓我心害怕。
我曾在她父母面前說過尋求幫助"我無法和她溝通,我和她溝通有障礙。"
"我覺得她對待我的方式(吵架時)像個仇人,當她朋友比當她老公好。"之類的話。
我不想要過一個無法安心的生活,我想要的家很簡單,就是一個可以放鬆安心
的地方,家是個溫暖的地方,家是個避風港,這種要求很天真過份嗎?
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婚前相處並無目前的問題,從相識->同居(半年)->遠距離戀愛(半年)->結婚。
婚前僅發生以下的事是我比較有印象的︰
1.開車出去玩,我媽打電話來詢問我們目前到哪裡了。她對這樣的行為反感,直接
把我扣上一個罪名"媽媽boy"(我無法接受)。我向她解釋家裡有人出遊皆會這樣關心
,這是家人間的互動,家人來電問一下只是尋求安心,沒什麼特別意思,而且我
也不會向我家人報告什麼,我也不喜歡被管,我也不喜歡家人打電話來。
老婆無法接受,因為她們家都不會這樣。好,她反應了我處理,我之後向我媽溝通,
請她不要在我們出去的時候打電話來,就醬,我媽不打電話來了。(我媽的反應︰
老婆好話壞話不會聽,都會"挑"壞的方面想。)
結婚後,每次回老婆娘家後回到自己家,我還是會撥電話回娘家報平安(她不會打),
岳母也會如此動作。心裡覺得老婆反應過度,還說我是"媽媽boy",我無法理解她的
心態。我覺得這是正確的互動,不知大家的想法如何,無法包容接受嗎?
和上面相似的情形,婚後在公司上班,公司人員要進出都會向人告知。(例︰xxx,
我出去便利商店一下,我去寄信一下。連我、我媽都會向員工告知,我去銀行、
我去洗頭,沒人例外。)且向人告知是公司任何人皆可,不是說要向特定某人報備,
是每個人都覺得很正常理所當然的事情。
但有次老婆要出去,沒告知,我媽剛好在門口問了她一下"妳要去哪裡",
她覺得很有壓力"連出去都要被管",她無法接受,她覺得很窒息,我事後向她解釋,
她也沒接受釋懷的意思。
2.她是自尊心強,不喜歡被人看不起,不能忍受被批評的人。她工作能力強,是某
公司部門的小主管,月薪約36000up,然後也有人要挖她去當主管,月薪約50000(
她向我講的),總之她要向她家人表現(生女兒也是很有用的),她是有能力的女生。
我欣賞她工作的態度,個性活潑開朗(現在才知道活潑開朗不等於樂觀想得開),
好相處(沒錯,當她朋友時是好相處。)
想要結婚了,但無法婚後相隔二地,勢必她要辭掉工作,來和我一起接家業。
我自私的認為,接家業比妳在外工作好,薪水也比上班族高,不會受到長官的欺壓,
我也承諾我會保護她,讓她過比以前還要好的日子。
但事情來了,她說我爸曾向她說"50000哪有什麼,我們也可以給妳一個月50000。"
但工作之後,我媽給她一個月25000(和我一樣),她覺得我爸媽欺騙她(很重要!)。
她抱怨我處理,我和我媽溝通(說爸曾向老婆說一個月要給她50000,但是並沒有
做到,我希望能做到承諾給她一個月50000的薪水。)這件事我吵了很久,依然沒有
變動,我覺得我媽沒向爸爸溝通,自做主張。我向我爸吵,依然沒用,他們會互
相cover。
我媽最終對這事的觀念就是"老婆不會想很笨,爭小條有什麼好處,這整個
家業以後都是你們的,不要因小失大,而且給她25000是她個人可運用的。家裡任
何開銷都不會花到她的錢,她先前工作的薪水不是一樣要扣掉房租水電交通費,
扣下來都不會有實領25000那麼多。"
而我的態度是︰家人承諾的事沒做到,那我會擔起這個責任,這也是後來搬家我給她
50000薪水的由來,且我心裡面覺得我虧欠她很多的主因之一。而我也很氣家人破
壞我們的感情,讓我難做人,最後老婆離開公司、我離開公司的原因之一。
先前提到第一次搬家租屋(同縣市),我媽依然給她一個月3千或5千的生活費(我忘了),
家庭開銷我會支出,也不需她去找工作,她覺得錢很少,她依然常提5萬這件事和我吵。
我氣我家人,有次我自作主張的去把家人放我帳戶裡的一百萬定存解約了,
我分了50萬給她,然後騙她說"這是我爸媽覺得虧欠妳的,所以這一百萬一人一半,
給妳自用。"我想要修補她對我父母親的關係,我也想要當個好老公,這種心情有人
可以理解嗎?
百萬定存的事還是會被知道,我向父母說"你們先前騙她,我很難做人,希望他們
可以諒解。"之後我父母並沒有向我討這些錢,也沒對我老婆就這些錢講任何話。
錢的事情到這就結束了嗎?當然沒有,她後來又提3千5千生活費的事,向我抱怨向她
朋友講,抱怨婆婆給她這些錢是屈辱她,但最後還要動用到自己存的錢,約二十五萬。
我給了她五十萬,家庭費用也不需她支出(小錢不提),為何還會沒錢?
原因在於這段期間,她原生家庭的大弟(她長女),因為想賺錢被騙去玩地下股市,
賠了三百萬左右吧?(她家的事我不過問太多),導致父母房子抵押貸款還錢,她前後
也給了她家約四十萬左右(她不會主動跟我講,我也不會干涉給她錢的,
過一陣子才知道。)
事情就壞在她很多事的前因後果其實是記不清楚的,她永遠只記得那個不好的感覺,
然後把事都歸為那不好的感覺造成的,她那二十五萬是不會在我們生活中花掉的,
(補充︰我們不舖張浪費,生活其實算節省,但該花還是會花,不敗家。)
那二十五萬,她會提說"她拿錢出來養家""你家人給那幾千的生活費,逼得她只能
用自己的錢(她缺錢或不想用到自己錢不會向我說,不知道大弟的事前,
我一直以為那50萬還在。)
今年初我為了堵她嘴,我這二十五萬也還給她了。
或者會有網友質疑為何我都知道的事情,怎麼都不好好向她說明白。
我只能說我和她溝通上有問題,溝通時我只能順著她的話來講,講偏她會說你扯遠了,
說我故意岔開話題沒有誠意"道歉",長期的溝通障礙真的讓我神經衰弱,記憶力變差,
且我會被引導入她"八奇"的思考領域,我完全配合不上。你想要思考一下怎麼回,
她會怪你怎麼那麼久不講話,她講話我"是""是"的應和她(想說她會繼續講),
她會怪你怎麼不表達一下意思(OS︰我不知什麼時候該我講話,常常因這被罵。)
有些事情的前因後果我只能事後自己回想,才知道錯不在我。
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不好意思抱怨一堆,先打住一下,"她覺得她在這家庭所受到的委屈,假若換是
其他女生早就和我離婚了,所以她為我忍耐忍受很多,要我懂得感激。"(很常提)
吵架提離婚都是她提,我先前都沒應和。這三個月來我會應和她提離婚的事,
她回娘家快四天了,我沒和她說過話,簡訊也都她傳來抱怨,抱怨我大男人
(老婆生氣不會安慰,放著老婆不管的大男人。)
請教各位,當老婆生氣拿枕頭拿衣服用力快速打床打牆,發瘋似的自憐自艾咒罵
"我怎麼會嫁給這樣的老公""我真是瞎了眼嫁給這樣的老公""都不會安慰,一點都不會
安慰"這類傷人話語,你會選擇怎麼處理?
老婆和家人間的事,我會再找時間補充,我不是來討拍,我只想陳述事情,看看
大家的意見批評與想法,看看接下來我該如何選擇,謝謝。
如有礙眼請見諒。
--
Tags:
婚姻
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at 2012-11-15T19:43
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at 2012-11-18T00:57
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at 2012-11-21T09:51
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at 2012-11-26T01:15
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