我該如何和老婆溝通? - 婚姻
By Susan
at 2011-12-11T02:08
at 2011-12-11T02:08
Table of Contents
再次感謝各位的回應,我不大會在文章的推文裡回文,
所以我一併回覆說明在這。
接連二篇的文章,似乎讓我心情有了點舒壓,我是家裡的老大,
我從小就不需家人操心,但我也不愛向人述說我遇到的事,今天說了出來,
感覺讓我一吐怨氣,文章如有點碎碎唸,還請各位包涵。
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我心裡面確實是認為我老婆有些事情的表現是愛計較的。
她覺得她是我們家第一個媳婦很衰,她是白老鼠,弟媳很好運,不用受她之前受的苦。
結婚後她就在我家公司工作,洗衣煮飯打掃都有人做,對公婆的侍奉也僅只於要吃飯
時叫他們一聲(爸or媽,吃飯了。這行為我或公司員工都會做),但個自輪流吃飯,不
會大家圍桌一起吃。我也沒要求老婆該怎樣去對待我父母,(如︰父母說的話,不要
頂嘴之類強勢的大男人思想),我只希望她能過的輕鬆自在。
我也表示我是絕對挺她的,如果有受到什麼委屈,我一定會幫她保護她。
所以後來發生一些她覺得委屈而對我家人的不滿,我一律幫她處理,
向我爸媽溝通,請我爸媽改善配合,請他們不要讓我難做人,不要破壞我們的感情。
(我覺得夫妻之間有一方不滿,就會影響雙方感情,並不是我父母挑撥離間。)
後來家裡又有一些事,導致老婆無法和家人住,結婚半年後我們搬出去了(同縣市)。
老婆也沒在公司上班就待在家,而我沒變。之後老婆懷孕,小孩出生,她住進了
地方上最好的月子中心,VIP房比弟媳同月子中心目前住的房間大二倍。
但她向我抱怨,坐月子只住了25天,沒住滿一個月,(但他沒算婦產科也住了5天)。
我在月子中心只陪了5天或7天就被我媽叫回去上班(但他也沒算婦產科那5天)。
她無法包容我也有工作上的責任(公司除了我媽就是我在負責),而月子中心離公司
也才5分鐘的機車路程,且不時我都會去那看她。
搬出去住,往事還是拿出來吵,然後小事化中事,中事化大事,我一樣不得安寧。
且因為她的事,我和家裡吵的不可開交,我也離開公司。
"不對就是不對,過去的事就不能講嗎?"(但一直重覆吵過去的事,我也很累。)
"你結婚前就告訴我,你家是什麼樣的家庭,我就不會嫁給你"(對,是我的錯,
所以我向她表示"對不起,我欠妳一輩子""對不起,是我害了妳")。
搬出去之後吵更兇。
小孩二歲,公司擴展業務我接手,我們又搬家了(隔壁縣市),我以為日子會好過點,
家裡一樣三個人,離婆家又更遠了,但吵還是一樣來。
我曾想把我們吵架的日子圈起來,別人是週休二日,我們是週吵二日,我受不了。
吵架吵久了,我情緒也很差,我也會抓狂崩潰,但她不會看你崩潰就可憐你,不會
看你跪就原諒你,只會向你說"你這樣的舉止很恐怖,我不要這樣的你"。
我對與她溝通束手無策,也覺得她對我的行為很扯,我不會這樣對她,搞不懂她
為何一直這樣對我。
公司員工犯了錯,我會告知他們如何改進,他們只要回"我知道了""好",我覺得達到
目的就ok了,之後再觀察是否有改進,這是我的方式。
但對老婆我不能只回答承諾"我知道了""我會改進",她會覺得妳回答千篇一律,每
次都是同樣的方式,她會覺得你"一點誠意都沒有",她會怒且問你"你覺得你錯在
哪裡,說出來。"而且還不能重覆她對你講的話,你必須用自己的方式說一次給
她聽。
她也許是努力成為別人眼中的一個好人,所以別人的要求如她心中有何不滿不願,
她也不會表露給別人知道。
身體不舒服不能幫忙,但她還是硬撐(表情沒任何異狀),也不會告知我,
事後只會罵我沒保護她。
親戚講了她不喜歡聽的話,她也不反駁為自己爭口氣,事後只會罵我又來怪嫁給我
很衰。我希望她能勇敢的表達出來,我一定挺她支持她,而且告訴她那親戚和我的
關係比朋友還不如,真的很不熟。但她就是不願意,只因那人是我親戚,所以我
只能概括承受。
或許有人會覺得她給我做面子?但事實不是如此,她會打電話或當面(我在場)向朋友
抱怨我家人親戚的不是,覺得她日子過的很苦,嫁錯人。
也會在路上、機車上大聲的罵我爭吵,引來別人的注目。
也曾在員工面前、客人面前叫我去樓上吵架。
我真覺得在家地位她比我高很多(對員工不會兇,或者說她不敢),但她常常說我
是大男人,家裡地位高低,我倆完全沒交集。我怕她,她也說我高高在上,搞不懂。
她和我一同工作,我一個月給她50K的薪水。房租水電保險都不用她付錢,她的錢
自行運用我不干涉,這些錢她會買些小孩的用品衣物、水果,但不會花掉她太多錢,
她買個人衣物我也會資助,對於錢我並不會吝嗇,家庭費用絕大部份是我支出。
家裡衣服我洗我曬比例約7(我):1(她),小孩洗澡1:3,折衣服她負責,小孩
AM8:00坐娃娃車她負責,但她可因此補眠到她高興(我不曾要求她什麼時候起床),
她也許12點醒,也許她累2點醒,我都沒差,她高興就好。
公司的事大部份都我處理,我能做的不會麻煩她,但她心裡一直沒認同這份工作,
吵架時常講"你的家業""我有幫你賺錢",我覺得夫妻之間沒"同心"很無力,我賺錢
受惠也是她,我也沒亂花錢過,我搞不懂她的想法。
小孩子確實不是離不離婚的理由。
先前吵架我曾激動向她講,"假若再讓我選擇一次,我一定不會想要和妳結婚。"
"假若不是為了小孩,我早就和她離婚了。"
為了小孩我可以忍讓,也慶幸我是那種一睡覺隔天起床就沒氣的人,所以我還可忍受。
如我脾氣像我老婆,晚上吵完睡一覺起來,氣還沒消,如這時又沒好好的給她表示
一下,她就會一直氣,前晚吵完的事又會像沒吵過一樣爆發起來,很難搞。
老婆的事我也向我家人說過了,老人家覺得要硬起來,但我只能說他們不了解。
我老婆他個性一定比你硬,反正她就是不服輸就對了,對她硬的來,最後吃虧是自己。
這次我老婆又自行離家出走了(已數次),是第一次回娘家,以前都去住旅館。
她又怪我對她不聞不問,傳訊來罵我,一直說我不會反省,是個大男人,
但她一直充耳不聞"我很怕她,無法和她溝通的事實",這樣的生活我不想過下去,
,我是以和為貴,勸和不勸離,但這次我不想理她,她如自行回來我會當作沒事。
但堅持固執下去,我會想要和她提分居,讓彼此思考一下是否要繼續下去。
又抱怨了一堆,歡迎各位給我意見與批評,謝謝。
--
Tags:
婚姻
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