我該如何和老婆溝通? - 婚姻
By Todd Johnson
at 2011-12-10T20:26
at 2011-12-10T20:26
Table of Contents
感謝各位熱情的回應,有些事情我再詳述與補充一點溝通上的障礙。
老婆原生家庭重男輕女的影響已沒那麼大,因為她已結婚不住娘家,
且大部份都是她結婚前或求學時她受的對待。舉例︰
1.考上大學,需自己就學貸款,岳母沒要出錢資助她唸書。但兒子唸技術學院,
唸夜校,他們都有家裡資助。
2.同樣是補習遇到下雨,兒子有媽媽開車載,她要自己騎腳踏車回家。
3.家裡家務都是她做,兒子不用做,且岳母會去打麻將,不做家務。
岳母也許有養兒防老的觀念,這種傳統觀念我想很多家庭都有,我不便去評論
岳母的行為,但她的自尊心強也因此受了傷害,造成她極度厭惡這類事情,
我覺得也因此他把一些婚姻中,大家或多或少會遇到的事來擴大表現。
就如同f大推文說說的,她確實嚴重的在意別人對她的態度眼光,她無法輕易
的放開一些話語,一直想不開而讓自己受傷。她受傷不是默默的流淚要人安慰,
而是怒氣沖沖的來電我,而我只能一直的道歉賠不是(縱使那些事情都不是我造成的),
她說有些事情是因為嫁給我才發生的,所以我有責任。
我們全家大小還有一部份的親戚都被她不滿抱怨過了,我也只能盡我所能的
去說明去解釋(XXX剛說的話不是那個意思,妳不要太在意之類。)
但她的個性很倔強(岳母也這樣講),她說她覺得是怎樣就是怎樣,那是她的感受,
要我尊重她的感受,她不想聽我解釋(我只想當個和事佬),她覺得我在幫他們講話,
而要我一起罵他們的不是,我全家大小和一部份親戚我都罵遍了。
對,罵完了,然後呢?氣或許消了一些,但事情一樣沒解決,她只是把她放回心底,
等下次再一起發作。
我無法忍受她不爽就把往事一直提一直講,一直的翻舊帳,而且那些舊帳還不是
我個人犯錯造成的。過年的事情每年都要再安慰一次解釋一次,有些事每隔幾
個月又要再重覆一次,只因她突然想到、看新聞看到、看戲劇看到,她的氣就
突然又爆發出來,我受不了這樣的不定時炸彈來炸我,但我還是一直忍耐。
而她發脾氣,又是我受屈辱的時候,我只覺得她把我當成狗一樣的電,她是女王我
是下賤的人,我講的話常常被她曲解,要解釋是不可能的事情(沒一次解釋成功),
她又常常的腦內補完,我才剛要講A,她會自動的認為你又要講以前的"a",然後直
接用罵的回你。我常常很氣的回吼她"為什麼妳不聽我把話講完",因為她的腦內補
完又主觀的意識,真的讓我在和他溝通的時候受盡苦頭。
吵架我永遠是輸的一方,結婚以來我向她說"對不起"平均一天三次以上,而我不曾
聽過她向我說"對不起",因為她覺得她沒錯。
吵架時求饒的是我,她可以和我從半夜12點吵到早上6點(數次),吵架平均是二小時
起跳,而不願輕易的息怒。
我已經話都說盡束手無策了,我跪了、我叩頭、我乞求,激動拜託她原諒我,而她
只說"我要的不是這個,我不要你跪",然後繼續生她的氣。我覺得我的人格真的被
她賤踏到沒有人格。
我覺得我是一個被家暴的人,比被打還痛還難受的心靈家暴,我覺得她對我的態度,
就像對待一個仇人一樣。
一個施行家暴的人(她),竟要求被家暴的人(我),去安慰她。我想逃都來不及,
我該如何安慰她?
試想一個酗酒的男人打老婆,接著要求老婆去安慰他,大家可以想像老婆內心的
痛苦與矛盾嗎?這情況已經從結婚持續到現在了。
我老婆這些行為只會對我,她對朋友好的很,朋友對她的要求,縱使她心不甘
情不願,大部份也是極力的配合。對他們的抱怨也不會表明,而會忍耐,
也不會要我一起罵她朋友。
總之我覺得當她朋友比當她老公好太多了!!!
另有一事,但這件事不知道大家心中的衡量為何,
她自己買了一間套房,用她的錢,自己貸款,而我當她的保人。
當保人時我才知道她買了間房,她說要投資用的,我們並不住那。
知道這事我並沒有生氣,也沒表示任何意見,僅心裡面覺得為何她不願和我提一下,
我並不會去阻止她,只是覺得事後才讓我知道,有點不尊重我。
假若是我要買車,我一定會告知並詢問她的意見。因為這是夫妻之間平等尊重的相
處之道,這是我的認知,這樣的想法會過份嗎?
老婆吵架近來年常常提離婚(我的地雷),還常對我說她瞎了眼怎麼會嫁入這樣的家庭,
要我去找我愛的人(質疑我對她的努力),我聽了真的是很受傷,我捫心自問我並沒有
對不起她,能努力的我努力,能配合的我配合,還得不到她的認同。
為了小孩,我該再次低頭忍耐,還是長痛不如短痛,一直讓小孩處在吵鬧的家庭,
對他的身心發展也不好。
請各位多給點意見或批評,謝謝。
--
Tags:
婚姻
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