老婆非常地不愛乾淨 - 婚姻
By Lily
at 2011-10-23T11:12
at 2011-10-23T11:12
Table of Contents
我試著再陳述一次自己的想法
※ 引述《perfectmatch (perfect match)》之銘言:
: 朋友的問提,以下為第一人稱
: ------------------
: 我跟我老婆結婚8 9年了,大學一畢業因為她懷孕,我們就結婚了
: 現在有兩個小孩,一個上小學 一個明年上幼稚園
: 一開始住家裡,因為我們跟我爸媽摩擦越來越大
: 所以我們去年年底搬出去租屋住
: 搬出去後我們找了一間樓中樓的小房子住,雖是樓中樓但還有間臥房
: 一個小家庭擠在一起也還好,對了,我們還有一隻黃金獵犬
: 我們會搬出去也是因為我開始在做生意,收入變多了
: 但因為做生意,不像以前(我跟我老婆以前一起擺攤)可以常常陪她跟小孩
: 只要要上工,就是6點出門10點回家
: 我老婆嫁給我之後沒有出去工作過,只有以前跟我一起擺攤做生意
沒出去工作過,一起擺攤做生意
所以你的意思是你也沒出去工作過,只有跟你一起老婆擺攤做生意
是這樣嗎?
看您敘述的語氣,好像是老婆自始都沒工作過
但細看內容1.老婆一直有工作2.八年內生了兩個小孩3.婚姻前七年是跟公婆住
是這樣嗎?
: 現在因為我收入變好,家裡又有一個小孩還沒上幼稚園所以她就是家庭主婦
由這句話來說
她當全職家庭主婦是這一年不到的事情
以前她也要工作跟顧小孩 是這樣嗎?
: 以下是家裡的情況
: 杯子-----要用的時候才洗,永遠都是放在桌上/水槽裡
那要用的時候是誰洗?
且若只有喝個水我們家一般是不洗
還是妳們家常常喝飲料?
聽您敘述得好像很嚴重,但那不洗的杯子到是髒不洗
還是只是使用過亂放?
敘述起來感覺很髒,但仔細想還是有很多點沒交代清楚
: 吃過的碗---放過夜,隔天要用碗再去洗
所以是放過夜,隔天要用碗就會洗
是這樣嗎?
如果是放過夜,隔天洗 個人覺得還好
如果是放到要用再洗,那真的就是很髒
可是看您的敘述不太像後者
敘述看起來很嚴重,但仔細想還是有很多點沒交代清楚
: 小孩的東西--東丟西丟,家裡會踩到小孩的小東西
這件事情可大可小,有很髒亂像原子彈炸過那樣
也有就是亂丟沒順手收被你踩到
聽起來很嚴重,但其實也沒交代很清楚
: 餅乾屑---地毯上常常都是,有時候還會有用過的衛生紙
餅乾屑,您說地毯上"常常"都是,但不是"總是"
且一個髒亂噁心的家竟然還有地毯是一件令人匪夷所思的事情
(加上今天之前的天氣大部分是溫暖的,所以地毯裝飾用性質大於實際,是嗎?)
關於地毯您也只有提到餅乾屑的問題,但以一個超懶髒主婦又有小小孩加老狗的家庭
地毯不可能只有餅乾屑的問題,所以您太太真的懶成這樣嗎?
看到地毯這段敘述讓人很懷疑
(這樣應該不算挑語病,而是您不經意的用字遣詞其實也許更符合現況)
所以其實太太還是有在打掃,只是大部分都沒掃乾淨,是這樣嗎
別人家我不知道 可是我們家也常常有用過的衛生紙先隨手放桌上的狀況
那衛生紙是拿來作甚麼用途而隨手放呢?
敘述聽起來很噁心,但仔細想還是有些點沒交代清楚
: 樓梯---永遠都是一層灰,擦過以後要等到我下一次再摸到一層灰她才會擦
不知道您的樓梯是甚麼材質
這個我真的有辛酸血淚分享一下
之前住過一間深色木地板的房子,夾層的樓梯做在窗邊
陽光一照,木地板看起來就很多灰塵
就算我每天用dyson吸塵器吸兩次+擦+空氣清淨機+昂貴遮光玻璃貼還是一樣
吸到有一天坐在地板上大哭,感覺就像希臘神話裡每天推巨石上山薛西佛斯一樣
人生就是一場徒勞
且聽您的敘述"你摸到ㄧ層灰她才會擦"
其實家事還是她在做 既然你出一張嘴就叫得動了 不好嗎?
您可能希望她再主動再積極一點 但現階段
她沒有不作 且接受您的指導與命令
個人看起來真的還好
聽您的敘述好像你很辛苦的要求她,但有些細節還是沒交代清楚
: 地板---黏踢踢,又有一堆毛或者汙漬,她跟我說他天天都有擦,
不知道妳們家地板材質為
但若是劣質拋光石英磚 即便是新房子也很容易黏腳
一堆毛+污漬 其實是有養寵物跟小孩的家庭很容易有的狀況
勤勞一點的確不一定會有這樣的狀況
但這樣的狀況嚴重程度到底為何
我們家有兩隻貓,也是貓毛滿天飛
要打掃不是不行,但很花精力
妳們家又是長毛黃金獵犬 狀況一定更嚴重
若加上深色木地板樓梯+劣質拋光石英磚(沾黏+吸污) 打掃起來真的不是順手的範圍
: 但我問她上次擦甚麼時候,她回答我是前兩天
所以她還是有擦囉?
: 狗--以前我會帶狗上廁所,現在我工作回來都很晚,她可能一整天不會帶出去上
: 狗又會在家裡大小便,她居然跟我弟說
: 「因為哥哥現在都沒空帶狗去上廁所」
以前您帶狗上廁所,你太太在家顧小孩
現在您太太要帶狗去上廁所,誰顧小孩呢?
您太太這邊看起來只有說錯話比較嚴重
她把狗講得好像只是您的責任
令人覺得不舒服
但實際上呢?現在顧狗清狗便的是她阿 她雖然說錯話
但實際上還是她在做阿
: 我弟跟他女友偶爾會來我家,我弟跟我說
哀,您太太已經力不從心了
還會有外人偶爾來家裡
(且妳們搬出來不到一年 文中敘述有你弟跟幫你帶PO文章的朋友來過)
您的小家庭生活其實也不輕鬆
: 他們進來後常常要很小心走路,不然就會踩到小東西
: 家裡也都有一個味道,就算我已經買了空氣清淨機
: 唉.................
狗在家裡大小便+又是老狗,真的很容易有味道
: 有一次老婆生病住院,我送他去醫院後回來看到家裡跟垃圾場一樣
: 我花了4個小時把家裡打掃一番,刷馬桶、刷洗手槽、倒垃圾
: 等我老婆出院,我跟他說「我已經打掃好了,以後你把家裡維持成這樣就好」
才剛出院就又接到您的指示跟命令 哀
會讓我一直想回文其實是看到這一段
文中看不到您對您太太一點心疼
也讓我懷疑文中前述事件是否有失偏頗
: 一個禮拜後................
: 我家又亂七八糟了...............................
: 也許有人問我,為什麼我不幫忙做家事
: 我每天6 7點出門,10點才到家,有時候要跟客戶吃飯甚至要到11點
這邊您的意思是 目前家事通通都是您老婆作
是這樣嗎?
: 一回到家,打開門後看到凌亂的家..
: 我要他打掃一下家裡,真的太髒了
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
太髒的標準是?
: 她會回我,「你念完沒,我都說知道了你就別再念了」
所以她的反抗只有這樣?
: 我根本沒辦法跟他溝通...
你叫她作 她叫你不要念 你就打算關起溝通大門嗎?
你有問她今天發生了甚麼事情,為什麼簡單的家事都做不好嗎?
你上班很辛苦 但也不能假想她在家裡很涼 這是不公平的
: 我的錢都是給她管,
: 因為我做生意有時候要買便當給工人、要停車要加油
: 所以我希望她記帳,她最多記了2個月然後就沒再記了
事情的先後順序是
您發現您的工作上需要記帳→叫你老婆記→她作了兩個月→現在誰記呢?
所以你希望他順手幫你記"工作上"的帳務
其實你要求她的每一件事情拆開來看都是順手就能作
但組合起來 且要到你的標準 就會脫離順手的範圍太遠
所謂的記帳 要"每天聚精會神"至少10-15分鐘
聽起來不難 但還是需要持之以恆的毅力
: 我連記帳軟體都找好兩個給她二選一,但她不動就是不動
好用的話,每天聚精會神10~15分鐘聽起來也不難
那您為什麼不自己記呢?
因為您的忙碌程度連每天10~15分鐘都很難撥空吧?
您希望您太太做好自己家管的部分
卻又分擔了屬於您工作範圍的事情給她
他還是有記阿,作了兩個月 那您有幫她作屬於他工作範圍的家務兩個月嗎?
也難怪明明您太太有跟您一起擺攤,您還能說她婚後沒出去工作過
哀
: 我爸提醒我,是否她有拿錢回娘家,
: 其實拿回娘家也沒什麼阿,她爸媽對我也是很好,拿錢回去我不會說半句話
: 但我只希望她對這個家也有「付出」,而不是我每天回到家累得跟狗一樣
: 打開家門家裡依舊一團亂
: 最近常常為了家事吵架....兩人吵到無法溝通
: 連朋友都建議我先自己管錢
不用先自己管錢
先從自己記帳開始作
看起來您老婆記帳之前你也沒記
且你說大家建議你"自己管錢"
所以意思是其實你也沒記帳
這樣對工作真的好嗎?
且控制收支是做生意最最基本的態度之一
你之前是希望太太幫您分憂解勞
那是不是其實你也沒做好你的部分想轉嫁勞務呢?
: 我只要想溝通,她就開始嫌我煩,
: 其實她平常對我也不錯,知道我累,會熬湯給我喝
他知道你累 那你有問過他累嗎?
一回家先發飆家裡很髒 不記帳
: 可是除此之外........我真的不知道家的溫暖是什麼.....
: 我知道帶小孩很辛苦,但我想請問板上的家庭主婦
: 我要求每天花30分鐘整理家裡,是不是真的太苛求她?
順手洗杯子6 x 15sec =1.5min
拖地板+掃毛10min
順手洗碗3min x2 =6min
清地毯餅乾屑3min
順手撿小孩東西共3min
清狗便5min
以上 先把一些看起來可以順手作的事情做好就需要28.5min
還不包括其他的例行家務 洗衣服煮飯等
每天作30分鐘 其實真的達不到您的標準
聽起來您的要求很低 只要對方花30分鐘
但您的標準其實不是30分鐘能解決的
有想過目前可能已經超過對方的負荷了嗎
您真的有心疼他嗎
他可能做不好 但還是會心疼你熬湯給妳喝
那他作不好時 您有心疼他嗎
文中只有提到您念他+叫他作+示範+跟他講講不聽+發火+吵架
對夫妻來說,這真的好的嗎
且說句不客氣的 您的長工時不是您家務免責的免死金牌
而是您的長工時 必須請太太協助負擔起您那部分 包含教養小孩跟照顧狗
您是請她協助的角色 而不應該視為理所當然
畢竟 當您看到很多全職媽媽能力好 能顧好家顧好狗顧好小孩又顧老公
您是否也能發現一下有很多先生也可以負起養家責任
回家後還能幫老婆分擔家事呢?
夫妻真的是互相
您老婆能盡量按您的"命令"作
又幫您熬湯 又幫您記帳(兩個月)
您也能多心疼她一點嗎?
--
今天也要幸福的微笑著
--
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婚姻
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