結婚前很焦慮 - 婚姻

By Odelette
at 2015-10-15T21:34
at 2015-10-15T21:34
Table of Contents
心情很亂 因為自己的帳號太多私人資訊了
所以找朋友代PO
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
現況:目前三十一歲懷孕15周 下周要結婚了
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
意外發現自己懷孕時 寶寶已經10周了
其實在之前 才動念要和男友分手 但是看到寶寶的樣子
真的心軟了 覺得要好好保護他
好想把他生下來 於是馬上打給男友 我們決定籌畫婚事
當時覺得男友很疼我 我們在自己的小窩很開心
應該可以下定決心 好好的給寶寶一個交代!
但是開始雙方討論婚事時 我開始愈來愈焦慮 這幾天晚上也睡不好
飯也吃不多 開始徬徨 如果繼續這樣下去 寶寶不知道能不能健康長大
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
當初決定要和他分手 主要是他們家庭問題 結婚過程不斷要和家人溝通
那時想要分手的壓迫感又一一出現了
主要是他爸爸經商有一千萬的債務 目前也沒有現金了
但為什麼沒被勒索討債 也不得而知
姐姐和他負擔目前的家用 我很憂慮和姐姐談過
姐姐的說法是 短期內不用擔心 他爸開始做生意後 他們就沒涉入太深
爸爸也沒跟他們要錢還債 只要負擔家用即可 如果爆炸了 總會有拋棄繼承等方法
我聽了其實也感到納悶 但也不知該說什麼 不知道該慶幸還是怎樣
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
目前男友實收一百二十萬 房貸約五百萬
我實收七十萬 這樣算起來要負擔寶寶的費用不成問題
但腦中卻不斷盤旋這些問題 ~~例如 對方家長沒有任何養老本之類的
我和男友 婚後遠距 因為工作(公職不易動)和顧寶寶的需求 我平日住娘家
六日他會來找我們 新家就先放著 他當然不願意 但為了寶寶還是答應了
我必須說他真的很認真想要證明自己 但是我情緒起伏好大
聽他的電話 就會聽到淚流滿面 覺得自己好多事想說 但也不想讓他擔心
以前周末才見面 現在覺得好沒安全感 常在划手機找事做 很不安
他是個很認真的人 最近也加班到到八九點 很拚想證明自己
給我們更好的生活 我總是覺得他很棒 但想到家裡的事開始不安起來
甚至看著朋友們有照顧公婆可以依靠 一起出遊 覺得好忌妒 好羨慕
當初下定決心 開始動搖 開始想是不是太早做決定了
明明A或B更好 家裡有歡笑 不會有總是怒目相對的兩個公婆
也覺得寶寶要帶回家拜託父母照顧很不孝
開始猶豫要不要結婚 是不是該繼續懷孕下去了
我很愛他 但是這幾天都很擔心害怕 也不知道結完婚 是不是可以踏實點
我媽在提完親後擔心的大哭 但是她也很期待寶寶的出現 所以轉移了注意力
我和男友提要結婚時 也沒反對 我一直用我們兩個的年收來說服她
但一次次的說 我卻自己愈聽愈慌 男友也很期待寶寶降臨
一直和同事分享爸爸經 也興致勃勃地買很多東西給寶寶 掏錢昂貴的自費檢查
當我和男友在一起時 就很有信心 覺得生下寶寶不是問題
但回家一個人時 又充滿了無力感 覺得要讓爸媽麻煩了 很有罪惡感
不知道未來會怎樣 一想到孕期還三十五周 就覺得很無力 不知道能不能撐下去
腦袋總是有負面的想法 不知道該多點信心 還是該狠心放棄
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婚姻
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