父母的控制慾很強 - 婚姻

By Steve
at 2017-08-01T19:59
at 2017-08-01T19:59
Table of Contents
※此文為板主代Po,板主不代轉信給原發文者,請不要寄信來板主信箱※
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和女友從大學認識,在一起到現在快八年了
預計年底結婚,但是面對接下來的問題實在開心不起來。
我們都是年收60~70的中產階級
我父母也是,但思想卻完全停留在上一輩的古老思想
尤其我爸是標準的9.2(在此沒有要戰政治的意思)
有著超深的中國大家庭農家思想
認為是他要娶媳婦而不是他兒子要結婚了
婚禮中,我爸希望能在他老家花蓮舉辦
他的想法就是要娶媳婦,所以要邀很多花蓮的親戚朋友開好幾桌盛大舉辦
而我和女友的成長地方&我爸媽現在住的地方都在雙北地區
重點當然是新人要結婚,我們想要邀請和我們熟悉的親戚
以及成長過程中的同學朋友,規模普通即可,重點是告訴大家我們結婚了就好
雖然有辦兩場這種方式,但是花蓮那些人我認識的才幾個
單單為了他們在花蓮辦一場根本勞民傷財像智障一樣有沒有搞錯?
婚後我們有打算在雙北外圍或桃園買房,或是先租幾年存夠了再買
而我爸媽希望我們住家裡,這是板上的老梗問題了
他們覺得結婚了還是一家人,而且最好媳婦可以每天回家做家事煮飯給他們吃
平常出去外要帶他們一起去,生活的大小事也想要過問
他們退休了就像家裡有傭人服侍他們一般
老了生病了要照顧他們到終老,不可以請看護更不可以送到安養院
親戚們催婚已經一陣子了,現在終於出社會要結婚
我只怕恐怖的還在後頭,因為再來就是催生,不幸生了女的一定還要催生男的
之後要念哪個幼稚園、哪個明星小學,補才藝補英文等等一定全部都要干涉
因為覺得我們還是一家人,他的孫子的事情一定讓他們出點意見才行
先前我也知道我爸媽的個性,交往中女友略知一二
只不過狀況可能遠比我們想像的還糟,婚後生活習慣的差異更不敢想像
而就如前述,我爸是標準的孝子,幾乎可說一切都聽我奶奶的話
對於弟妹的照顧更不遺餘力,覺得他們還是一家人
整天希望我和表堂兄弟姊妹來往,明明就超級不熟,長大更沒啥交集
而我希望我們結婚以後是獨立的年輕夫婦,努力賺錢實現買房買車的夢想
節慶的時候再跟父母聚在一起,重點是平常大家自己有獨立的生活。
我爸可說是不分是非100%聽我奶奶的話
而且只要看到哪個人結婚後比較聽老婆、疼老婆的話,就會說他媽白養他了之類的言論
因此我媽從年輕到現在婆媳問題不斷,就是被我爸這種觀念害慘
沒想到當她兒子要結婚的時候,竟然會有和她婆婆一樣的想法
好似她當了婆婆就可以報復下個媳婦一般,想起來就覺得時代一點都沒進步
最近跟女友更深入的討論這個問題,她很明白我的焦慮
幸好我們一直以來感情不曾因我爸媽而影響,但是之後的生活才是大考驗......
--
浮世夢中夢,布衣材不材,彈鋏狂歌莫浪猜。
埋,愚賢何用哉?
青山在,月明歸去來。
--
---
和女友從大學認識,在一起到現在快八年了
預計年底結婚,但是面對接下來的問題實在開心不起來。
我們都是年收60~70的中產階級
我父母也是,但思想卻完全停留在上一輩的古老思想
尤其我爸是標準的9.2(在此沒有要戰政治的意思)
有著超深的中國大家庭農家思想
認為是他要娶媳婦而不是他兒子要結婚了
婚禮中,我爸希望能在他老家花蓮舉辦
他的想法就是要娶媳婦,所以要邀很多花蓮的親戚朋友開好幾桌盛大舉辦
而我和女友的成長地方&我爸媽現在住的地方都在雙北地區
重點當然是新人要結婚,我們想要邀請和我們熟悉的親戚
以及成長過程中的同學朋友,規模普通即可,重點是告訴大家我們結婚了就好
雖然有辦兩場這種方式,但是花蓮那些人我認識的才幾個
單單為了他們在花蓮辦一場根本勞民傷財像智障一樣有沒有搞錯?
婚後我們有打算在雙北外圍或桃園買房,或是先租幾年存夠了再買
而我爸媽希望我們住家裡,這是板上的老梗問題了
他們覺得結婚了還是一家人,而且最好媳婦可以每天回家做家事煮飯給他們吃
平常出去外要帶他們一起去,生活的大小事也想要過問
他們退休了就像家裡有傭人服侍他們一般
老了生病了要照顧他們到終老,不可以請看護更不可以送到安養院
親戚們催婚已經一陣子了,現在終於出社會要結婚
我只怕恐怖的還在後頭,因為再來就是催生,不幸生了女的一定還要催生男的
之後要念哪個幼稚園、哪個明星小學,補才藝補英文等等一定全部都要干涉
因為覺得我們還是一家人,他的孫子的事情一定讓他們出點意見才行
先前我也知道我爸媽的個性,交往中女友略知一二
只不過狀況可能遠比我們想像的還糟,婚後生活習慣的差異更不敢想像
而就如前述,我爸是標準的孝子,幾乎可說一切都聽我奶奶的話
對於弟妹的照顧更不遺餘力,覺得他們還是一家人
整天希望我和表堂兄弟姊妹來往,明明就超級不熟,長大更沒啥交集
而我希望我們結婚以後是獨立的年輕夫婦,努力賺錢實現買房買車的夢想
節慶的時候再跟父母聚在一起,重點是平常大家自己有獨立的生活。
我爸可說是不分是非100%聽我奶奶的話
而且只要看到哪個人結婚後比較聽老婆、疼老婆的話,就會說他媽白養他了之類的言論
因此我媽從年輕到現在婆媳問題不斷,就是被我爸這種觀念害慘
沒想到當她兒子要結婚的時候,竟然會有和她婆婆一樣的想法
好似她當了婆婆就可以報復下個媳婦一般,想起來就覺得時代一點都沒進步
最近跟女友更深入的討論這個問題,她很明白我的焦慮
幸好我們一直以來感情不曾因我爸媽而影響,但是之後的生活才是大考驗......
--
浮世夢中夢,布衣材不材,彈鋏狂歌莫浪猜。
埋,愚賢何用哉?
青山在,月明歸去來。
--
Tags:
婚姻
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