核心家庭vs.原生家庭 - 婚姻
By Noah
at 2012-01-27T23:12
at 2012-01-27T23:12
Table of Contents
在進入正題前 先簡單地介紹一下背景:
我老公出身中南部的傳統家庭 下有兩個尚未出嫁的妹妹
公公非常傳統威嚴 很少在家 跟婆婆感情並不融洽
婆婆是家中支柱 因為跟公公的關係疏遠
所以全部的重心都放在孩子與家中所經營的小事業上
我們婚後住在家中透天厝的三樓 其他家人住二樓 一樓則是公共空間
我則是來自台北的小孩 從小就生長在小家庭中
跟親戚們的往來僅限過年過節 或者在網路上會彼此聯絡
其實我的婆家 包括小姑們 都對我很好
我覺得唯一需要注意的
就是我的公婆他們在情緒管理上需要一點協助
他們都很容易為了雞毛蒜皮的事而進入嚴重的歇斯底里狀態
吼叫 痛罵 哭泣什麼的都很常見
剛開始我的確很害怕
但後來我也學會了看開 跟他們家的小孩一樣
反正公婆要發瘋就先讓他們發瘋 半小時後等他們冷靜下來再去收拾殘局就好
但當然 身為媳婦 我還是會比較小心翼翼 深怕不小心踩到公婆的地雷
真正的問題在於我跟我老公
因為他是婆婆的心頭肉 他也非常孝順
所以他總是想要陪著媽媽看電視 陪著媽媽吃飯 陪著媽媽如何如何
再加上他覺得兩個妹妹都沒工作(家境不錯 不需要上班)
做任何事情帶上妹妹媽媽也會很開心
所以結婚兩個月
他幾乎每天都會在一樓陪媽媽看電視到十點
之後陪妹妹們聊天到十二點
然後跟我說他需要自己獨處的時間 差不多兩點才睡
假日則是因為公公都不在
所以他就得代替他帶媽媽與妹妹出門
對他來說 他覺得這就是生活 這就是家人
對我來說 我覺得這是他原本的生活 我只是新加入的人
我表達過我希望他可以早點上三樓陪我
他覺得我幹嘛耍孤僻 而且他沒強迫我到一樓 我也不要強迫他上三樓
假日一整天陪著全家在外面玩
晚上我問他可不可以我們兩個上三樓一起看電影午夜巴黎
他說他家沒人要看那種片子 說要陪媽媽看絕命終結站
我說我一整天都陪著全家 可不可以我們兩個獨處一下
他整個很怒 覺得我小鼻子小眼睛愛計較
他媽媽就是我媽媽 他的家人就是我的家人
他陪媽媽看電影 我坐在旁邊 不就等於他在陪我嗎?
我覺得這根本不同 更何況只要他家人在旁邊 他就會離我超遠
說什麼不想讓別人覺得我們晒恩愛很刺眼
我說我一整天下來真的很累
他覺得我很機車 整天只想分我的他的
他說他的家庭是原生家庭裡面包括我
我說我的家庭是我跟他的小家庭獨立於雙方的原生家庭之外
然後他說他無法跟我溝通
我如果這麼愛計較 他沒辦法接受這種妻子
我不是真的認為我跟他的觀念格格不入
我覺得我們都很孝順 只是方式不同
但我不知道該怎麼跟他溝通
因為我只要一提起這些事 不管是說我的感覺或者是討論未來家庭的安排
他都覺得我又再計較了 我又再分家了
所以根本連對話都無法開啓 他就暴怒閃人
不知道板上有沒有前輩可以給我一點建議
讓我可以好好處理這個每次都讓我們吵架的點?
謝謝大家~
--
我老公出身中南部的傳統家庭 下有兩個尚未出嫁的妹妹
公公非常傳統威嚴 很少在家 跟婆婆感情並不融洽
婆婆是家中支柱 因為跟公公的關係疏遠
所以全部的重心都放在孩子與家中所經營的小事業上
我們婚後住在家中透天厝的三樓 其他家人住二樓 一樓則是公共空間
我則是來自台北的小孩 從小就生長在小家庭中
跟親戚們的往來僅限過年過節 或者在網路上會彼此聯絡
其實我的婆家 包括小姑們 都對我很好
我覺得唯一需要注意的
就是我的公婆他們在情緒管理上需要一點協助
他們都很容易為了雞毛蒜皮的事而進入嚴重的歇斯底里狀態
吼叫 痛罵 哭泣什麼的都很常見
剛開始我的確很害怕
但後來我也學會了看開 跟他們家的小孩一樣
反正公婆要發瘋就先讓他們發瘋 半小時後等他們冷靜下來再去收拾殘局就好
但當然 身為媳婦 我還是會比較小心翼翼 深怕不小心踩到公婆的地雷
真正的問題在於我跟我老公
因為他是婆婆的心頭肉 他也非常孝順
所以他總是想要陪著媽媽看電視 陪著媽媽吃飯 陪著媽媽如何如何
再加上他覺得兩個妹妹都沒工作(家境不錯 不需要上班)
做任何事情帶上妹妹媽媽也會很開心
所以結婚兩個月
他幾乎每天都會在一樓陪媽媽看電視到十點
之後陪妹妹們聊天到十二點
然後跟我說他需要自己獨處的時間 差不多兩點才睡
假日則是因為公公都不在
所以他就得代替他帶媽媽與妹妹出門
對他來說 他覺得這就是生活 這就是家人
對我來說 我覺得這是他原本的生活 我只是新加入的人
我表達過我希望他可以早點上三樓陪我
他覺得我幹嘛耍孤僻 而且他沒強迫我到一樓 我也不要強迫他上三樓
假日一整天陪著全家在外面玩
晚上我問他可不可以我們兩個上三樓一起看電影午夜巴黎
他說他家沒人要看那種片子 說要陪媽媽看絕命終結站
我說我一整天都陪著全家 可不可以我們兩個獨處一下
他整個很怒 覺得我小鼻子小眼睛愛計較
他媽媽就是我媽媽 他的家人就是我的家人
他陪媽媽看電影 我坐在旁邊 不就等於他在陪我嗎?
我覺得這根本不同 更何況只要他家人在旁邊 他就會離我超遠
說什麼不想讓別人覺得我們晒恩愛很刺眼
我說我一整天下來真的很累
他覺得我很機車 整天只想分我的他的
他說他的家庭是原生家庭裡面包括我
我說我的家庭是我跟他的小家庭獨立於雙方的原生家庭之外
然後他說他無法跟我溝通
我如果這麼愛計較 他沒辦法接受這種妻子
我不是真的認為我跟他的觀念格格不入
我覺得我們都很孝順 只是方式不同
但我不知道該怎麼跟他溝通
因為我只要一提起這些事 不管是說我的感覺或者是討論未來家庭的安排
他都覺得我又再計較了 我又再分家了
所以根本連對話都無法開啓 他就暴怒閃人
不知道板上有沒有前輩可以給我一點建議
讓我可以好好處理這個每次都讓我們吵架的點?
謝謝大家~
--
Tags:
婚姻
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