我該如何和老婆溝通? - 婚姻
By Olivia
at 2011-12-10T16:53
at 2011-12-10T16:53
Table of Contents
這帳號是代PO的,請各位的意見不要寄到信箱去,謝謝。
========================================================
我們是六年級尾的。和老婆結婚六年多,有一個快五歲的小孩,
結婚之後大大小小爭吵不斷,我以為家是一個可以放鬆安心的地方,
但我的生活並不是這樣。這些年來的爭吵已經讓我心理很怕和我老婆溝通,
很怕我老婆生氣,因為她脾氣一來,是沒完沒了,不善罷甘休的。
我們的婚姻目前遇到困難,但為了小孩且家庭的完整,我並不會想要離婚,
但這樣爭吵的生活我也很痛苦,文中會有一些我們遇到的事情與我處理的方式,
希望各位可以給我些意見或想法。
我老婆是一個非常痛恨重男輕女觀念的女生,因為她在原生家庭是這樣的被對待,
所以他對這類的事情非常的敏感,她想要展現女生並不比男生差,他不想被傳統
觀念壓迫。而我也不是有重男輕女、男尊女卑、大男人主義觀念的男生,我希望
夫妻之間相處是平等的,我可以做的事情我一定自己來,我可以配合接受,只希望
建立一個我心目中的家庭。
以下是我們的曾發生爭吵的事情,麻煩各位給我點意見。
1.結婚總是會遇到過年,煮年菜收拾之類的事,家裡因為是做生意的,
有請人煮飯打掃洗衣,所以我們只需熱菜熱湯或煮一二道需即時吃的菜
(如蘿蔔糕、年糕等)。第一年過年除夕(那時還住家裡),我媽請她去熱菜,
我也理所當然的主動去幫她弄。忙了一下子後被我媽叫去幫忙生意,我離開了。
之後就被她認為我媽故意支離我,故意折磨她,重男輕女之類的想法又出現了,
她明知道除夕夜員工6點下班,我是不得以去幫忙。而且我也主動去幫她,總之
我不會放她一個人去做事,我希望她明白我對這事的態度(這部份我處理不好嗎?)
後來家裡多了一個媳婦,而我們也搬去外縣市住,我也刻意的在除夕晚回家,為了
不要再發生熱菜之類的事。但她又再care晚餐後收拾的事,她覺得弟媳婦每次都在
要收拾時離開(弟媳第一年和弟弟去收拾閉店裡的東西,第二年弟媳去包紅包。)
但除了弟媳,我們全家小孩和我都有一起和她收拾,有人洗碗、拖地、擦桌子,
十分鐘左右就可以收拾完畢。事後她的抱怨,我向她說明,"弟媳不知是刻意還是無意
的離開,我媽都有在看,我媽和我也有向我弟提醒詢問弟媳一起收拾的事",
"我們做好自己的本份就好,大家都有在看"。
一整年也就除夕那天吃完幫忙收拾,我去她家吃完飯我都會主動去洗碗
(她沒來幫忙過,我覺得這事是應盡的責任,要表現給長輩看,所以我都心甘情願
不曾有任何抱怨)。我不懂她為何對這類的事一直耿耿於懷,一直聽不進去我的
解釋說明,每年過年我都很怕又發生什麼她覺得不爽的事,那她又會把往事重提,
沒完沒了。
她不喜歡任何親戚、家人向她提會讓她有壓力的事(例如︰什麼時候要生第二個)。
大家應該也是會有那種逢年過節時,總會提一些"無意義"話語的長輩,
(有沒男女朋友啊、什麼時候要結婚啊、什麼時候要生小孩之類的話),當事者
可能聽到麻痺,都當耳邊風去了,但我老婆對於這類話語完全無法置之不理,
無法放鬆,她覺得生小孩是男生的事,不要每個人都對她講,她會很怒,然後
就又對我發脾氣說我沒有保護她。
但這類事情其實我都有處理,都會主動幫她回話擋話(假若我有在她旁邊的話)。
如我離開沒在她旁邊擋掉,回家一定會對我怒,沒擋被兇就算了。
但我有時在旁回話擋掉了,她回家也曾怪我講的話太沒威嚴,講的太溫和了,又被兇。
每個人都是我的長輩,我能怎麼講?我真覺得她對我太過嚴格,讓我無所適從。
所以中秋節烤肉,每年都是和她家人過,沒和我家人或親戚一起過(我也沒要求她或
想要她和我家人親戚烤肉),心理極度怕那些親戚嘴巴又吐出讓我數晚都很難過的話。
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對不起,文很長還有很多想要尋求解答的問題,我再找時間上來請教各位。
就我上面的事,不知各位有沒什麼可以建議的地方,我老婆或我的心態有異於常人嗎?
謝謝!
--
Tags:
婚姻
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