我終於需要求助了 - 婚姻

By Margaret
at 2012-03-05T16:04
at 2012-03-05T16:04
Table of Contents
從公公回來以後我就沒見到婆婆
每天就是在家工作帶小孩
但忙碌之餘 我會拖地拖到一半悲從中來(不是跌倒
煮飯煮到一半蹲在地上大哭(不是被油噴到
洗碗洗到一半一直掉眼淚(不是打破碗
我一直抱著豈能盡如人意 但求無愧於心的態度過日子
許多事無法掌控 因為有太多太多事無法用常理推斷
當事情發展得越失控 越不是我所樂見的情形
我不知道為什麼我會有種自我嫌惡的悲涼
但又實在提不出更好的方法
而歸根究底 矛頭都是指向我
雖然沒人怪我(除了婆婆 但那種難以言喻的愧疚感無法擺脫
沒有解脫的感覺 卻鬆了一口氣
在找出那種詭異的歉疚因由前 只要孩子在睡我就是哭
用一種最沒有用沒有建設性的方式發洩情緒
於是連假最後一天 我們出發到中南部大口吃肉大口喝酒的過了幾天
回來,剛好不用面對一切
公公提出三個選項給婆婆
1.除了洗澡上廁所以外 都跟著我過日子 我開會妳跟著來 我唸經妳跟著唸
我出國妳嫌累也得跟 我出門禪修打坐妳也得報名
2.回鄉下去住,我會找人照顧妳。等我把所有的事情交待清楚我回鄉下去陪妳
而只要妳不在看護妳的人視線範圍內超過半小時,她就得回報
等我回鄉下陪妳以後 就過著選項1的生活
3.我們一起去住老人安養院
過程就算了 反正不會多好看
除了婆婆,唯一反對的是小姑。原因僅僅只是因為沒人幫她帶小孩
公公說孝親費什麼的不用了 妳拿去自己請保母
丈夫覺得自己不孝 但公公只要他每個月去看婆婆一次不必帶著我 除非我想跟
我並不樂見這種情形發生 但提不出更好的方法
於是公公叫我別插手 這不是為了妳 是為了大家
明明好像解決了不是嗎 為什麼我哭得更兇
甚至餵小孩吃飯時也想哭
每天每天丈夫一回家我就把小孩丟給他躲在廁所裡
散心回來後 婆婆也不在台北了
但我的心情並沒有更好
我們在婆婆永不離身的皮包裡放了一個保全系統
她人在哪我們都很清楚 但陰魂不散的是我的回憶
丈夫預約了時間要帶我去諮商
我卻覺得諮商師或心理醫生還是吃藥並無法幫助我
我該怎麼辦???
要怎麼才能讓自己不那麼難過
以上
阿木.........妳女兒怎麼會這麼沒用
--
每天就是在家工作帶小孩
但忙碌之餘 我會拖地拖到一半悲從中來(不是跌倒
煮飯煮到一半蹲在地上大哭(不是被油噴到
洗碗洗到一半一直掉眼淚(不是打破碗
我一直抱著豈能盡如人意 但求無愧於心的態度過日子
許多事無法掌控 因為有太多太多事無法用常理推斷
當事情發展得越失控 越不是我所樂見的情形
我不知道為什麼我會有種自我嫌惡的悲涼
但又實在提不出更好的方法
而歸根究底 矛頭都是指向我
雖然沒人怪我(除了婆婆 但那種難以言喻的愧疚感無法擺脫
沒有解脫的感覺 卻鬆了一口氣
在找出那種詭異的歉疚因由前 只要孩子在睡我就是哭
用一種最沒有用沒有建設性的方式發洩情緒
於是連假最後一天 我們出發到中南部大口吃肉大口喝酒的過了幾天
回來,剛好不用面對一切
公公提出三個選項給婆婆
1.除了洗澡上廁所以外 都跟著我過日子 我開會妳跟著來 我唸經妳跟著唸
我出國妳嫌累也得跟 我出門禪修打坐妳也得報名
2.回鄉下去住,我會找人照顧妳。等我把所有的事情交待清楚我回鄉下去陪妳
而只要妳不在看護妳的人視線範圍內超過半小時,她就得回報
等我回鄉下陪妳以後 就過著選項1的生活
3.我們一起去住老人安養院
過程就算了 反正不會多好看
除了婆婆,唯一反對的是小姑。原因僅僅只是因為沒人幫她帶小孩
公公說孝親費什麼的不用了 妳拿去自己請保母
丈夫覺得自己不孝 但公公只要他每個月去看婆婆一次不必帶著我 除非我想跟
我並不樂見這種情形發生 但提不出更好的方法
於是公公叫我別插手 這不是為了妳 是為了大家
明明好像解決了不是嗎 為什麼我哭得更兇
甚至餵小孩吃飯時也想哭
每天每天丈夫一回家我就把小孩丟給他躲在廁所裡
散心回來後 婆婆也不在台北了
但我的心情並沒有更好
我們在婆婆永不離身的皮包裡放了一個保全系統
她人在哪我們都很清楚 但陰魂不散的是我的回憶
丈夫預約了時間要帶我去諮商
我卻覺得諮商師或心理醫生還是吃藥並無法幫助我
我該怎麼辦???
要怎麼才能讓自己不那麼難過
以上
阿木.........妳女兒怎麼會這麼沒用
--
Tags:
婚姻
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