寵妻寵歪了? - 婚姻
By Olga
at 2022-06-23T15:58
at 2022-06-23T15:58
Table of Contents
兄弟,抱歉啊,看了你的回文我忍不住腦補了一下你倆的心理活動
在你的立場看來是這樣:
我看上的是我老婆的人,不是岳家的錢
為了在老婆岳家面前抬起頭來,我已經努力證明我的(賺錢)能力
雖然沒辦法滿足老婆想要的生活,但已經比大多數一般人好非常多了!
既然已經成為夫妻,老婆應該嫁雞隨雞,體諒我沒辦法供應她媲美岳家的生活
畢竟我已經盡力了。
我也是人!我也有尊嚴!我已經傾盡所有卻被批的一文不值,我很受傷!
但是你老婆的角度可能是這樣:
當初那麼多官二代、富二代我都拒絕了,看上的就是你這個人
我嫁給你是選擇愛情,結果結婚後發現:麵包沒有(降低生活水準)愛情也變味了
你為了賺錢連陪我的時間都沒有,賺到的錢也捨不得花
我要買枕頭,你嫌我亂花錢,問我為什麼不買便宜貨?
我計較的是那點錢嗎?我計較的是在你眼中為我(和我媽)花這個錢不值!
呵呵,我不計較錢嫁給你,你反過來跟我計較錢?
在你眼中錢比我重要就是了?
兄弟,你老婆表現的很嬌橫
但是如果你代入一下她的視角,不覺得你那個什麼改造計劃,溝通角度,有點兒那個得了
便宜還賣乖了嗎?
我不是說她這樣對,一般人肯定不會這樣
但她是一般人嗎?
她、不、是
她是真.千金
小公主並非不能忍受粗茶淡飯
但你要讓她覺得這些都是為了千金不換的愛情必經的考驗,她才能說服自己:
這些都是值得的
但是你呢,我只看到你一邊盡力配合,一邊替自己委屈
網路上跟你素昧平生的網友都看得出來了
你說你老婆看不看得出來?
她嫌棄你是真嫌棄你,還是她已經感覺到了你內心在嫌棄她?
在我看來,你們不認同對方的點,都是因為想要被認同的需求沒被看見
「為什麼要買那麼貴的東西?」(我為了滿足你的標準累的半死,為什麼你都不體諒我?)
「連這種東西也買不起」(對你來說我連這點錢的價值都沒有)
委屈是真委屈
沒必要也是真沒必要
婚姻裡面不要想去改造對方來配合自己
而是要看見對方的付出,承認自己的無知無覺
說到這可能有些人不樂意
覺得為什麼我要慣著他
如果打算一拍兩散,那當然怎麼爽怎麼來
你看如果這是同事或是普通朋友你會理他嗎?
不會嘛!因為關係說斷就斷,你又不會痛!
可是這是你不想放棄的另一半
那你只能想方設法的去打動他
一個人的行為都是有功能的
所謂的功能就是:他做了這件事勢必可以滿足或延緩他的某個需求
那你只要直接處理他的需求,他的行為自然會改變
在你來說,
你拚命工作是為了滿足證明自己的需求。
你投資理財,不敢大手大腳的花錢是為了抵抗曾經貧窮帶來的恐懼。
你面對老婆的揮霍(在你看來)和不滿,內心為自己辯解的os是因為你的自我價值感不夠高
,不足以高到讓你產生:哎呀!委屈老婆了的想法,而是用我都做到這種程度了來捍衛自己
的價值
那你老婆的需求是什麼?
你好好想一想
--
在你的立場看來是這樣:
我看上的是我老婆的人,不是岳家的錢
為了在老婆岳家面前抬起頭來,我已經努力證明我的(賺錢)能力
雖然沒辦法滿足老婆想要的生活,但已經比大多數一般人好非常多了!
既然已經成為夫妻,老婆應該嫁雞隨雞,體諒我沒辦法供應她媲美岳家的生活
畢竟我已經盡力了。
我也是人!我也有尊嚴!我已經傾盡所有卻被批的一文不值,我很受傷!
但是你老婆的角度可能是這樣:
當初那麼多官二代、富二代我都拒絕了,看上的就是你這個人
我嫁給你是選擇愛情,結果結婚後發現:麵包沒有(降低生活水準)愛情也變味了
你為了賺錢連陪我的時間都沒有,賺到的錢也捨不得花
我要買枕頭,你嫌我亂花錢,問我為什麼不買便宜貨?
我計較的是那點錢嗎?我計較的是在你眼中為我(和我媽)花這個錢不值!
呵呵,我不計較錢嫁給你,你反過來跟我計較錢?
在你眼中錢比我重要就是了?
兄弟,你老婆表現的很嬌橫
但是如果你代入一下她的視角,不覺得你那個什麼改造計劃,溝通角度,有點兒那個得了
便宜還賣乖了嗎?
我不是說她這樣對,一般人肯定不會這樣
但她是一般人嗎?
她、不、是
她是真.千金
小公主並非不能忍受粗茶淡飯
但你要讓她覺得這些都是為了千金不換的愛情必經的考驗,她才能說服自己:
這些都是值得的
但是你呢,我只看到你一邊盡力配合,一邊替自己委屈
網路上跟你素昧平生的網友都看得出來了
你說你老婆看不看得出來?
她嫌棄你是真嫌棄你,還是她已經感覺到了你內心在嫌棄她?
在我看來,你們不認同對方的點,都是因為想要被認同的需求沒被看見
「為什麼要買那麼貴的東西?」(我為了滿足你的標準累的半死,為什麼你都不體諒我?)
「連這種東西也買不起」(對你來說我連這點錢的價值都沒有)
委屈是真委屈
沒必要也是真沒必要
婚姻裡面不要想去改造對方來配合自己
而是要看見對方的付出,承認自己的無知無覺
說到這可能有些人不樂意
覺得為什麼我要慣著他
如果打算一拍兩散,那當然怎麼爽怎麼來
你看如果這是同事或是普通朋友你會理他嗎?
不會嘛!因為關係說斷就斷,你又不會痛!
可是這是你不想放棄的另一半
那你只能想方設法的去打動他
一個人的行為都是有功能的
所謂的功能就是:他做了這件事勢必可以滿足或延緩他的某個需求
那你只要直接處理他的需求,他的行為自然會改變
在你來說,
你拚命工作是為了滿足證明自己的需求。
你投資理財,不敢大手大腳的花錢是為了抵抗曾經貧窮帶來的恐懼。
你面對老婆的揮霍(在你看來)和不滿,內心為自己辯解的os是因為你的自我價值感不夠高
,不足以高到讓你產生:哎呀!委屈老婆了的想法,而是用我都做到這種程度了來捍衛自己
的價值
那你老婆的需求是什麼?
你好好想一想
--
Tags:
婚姻
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