揮之不去的夢靨 - 人際關係

By Cara
at 2013-07-01T10:54
at 2013-07-01T10:54
Table of Contents
原PO今年24歲半,男性,非異性戀。
國中時期曾被班上同學(主要是男性)連同隔壁班同學長期霸凌過將近一兩學期的時光。
很好笑的原PO從國中畢業後開始發現自己開始不懂得怎麼和男性相處,
原PO高中讀的班級只有八個男生(含原PO),所以問題點沒有很大,上大學後也掙扎過一段時間,
但後來都因為找到了幾個女性的知心好友所以也不至於太孤單。
漸漸的原PO也開始淡忘掉國中的那段往事...
經過了漫長的時光後來到了兩天前,我的一位知心好友(女性,從國中開始就認識,高中也讀同班然後開始熟稔。)
突然LINE我說,她死會了,對象,是國中曾霸凌過我的帶頭者。
當下突然有種,先是放空,然後喉頭開始冒出噁心的感覺。
她說,他已經變了,所以她選擇和他在一起,希望我給予祝福。
他已經變了,
他已經變了,
他已經變了。
眼眶不禁開始泛紅。
原來只要霸凌者變了,就好像被霸凌的人不變是對不起社會大眾?
我給不了真心的祝福,但我回,我不會為了這件事和她生氣或計較什麼,我也會給予祝福(當然心中OS不是這樣),但我無法和他見面這是最後底線。
我和女生的交情是好到她可以跟我在同一空間內換衣服(當然我不會去看)和睡一起的地步。
所以我能體會她希望身為好友的我能夠給她點鼓勵,因為她也曾經有段很深的情傷。
很好笑的,原PO24年來從來沒失眠過,當晚卻失眠了。
高中時、大學時因為和班上男生不知道怎麼相處,常常一個人躲在家裡和宿舍的廁所角落放空大哭,
只要一有和陌生男性講話的機會就會緊張到全身冒汗、失去判斷能力。
嚴重時還曾經連續一星期被惡夢驚醒,想起自己國中時被霸凌的那段過去。
有些好友聽了只是勸我,過去就讓它過去,該走出來了。
其實我也知道這道理啊!誰不想走出過去?誰想一輩子被夢靨纏身?
我覺得我很弱,因為發現過了近十年我還在這場夢靨中無法自拔;
我覺得我很弱,因為霸凌者都變了我卻始終還是那個不變的人。
有些人說,說難聽點,跟他交往的是你朋友又不是你!
對沒錯的確是這樣,但難道都不會有和朋友男友見面的機會了嗎?
原PO和她是多年好友不是普通朋友耶?!是互相約定誰先結婚誰就要當對方的伴郎/伴娘的那種關係耶?
...怎麼可以說得如此簡單...
今天早上又被噩夢驚醒了,腦袋裏,只知道就是片混沌。
我,真的不知道如何是好。
--
Tags:
人際關係
All Comments

By Odelette
at 2013-07-04T16:34
at 2013-07-04T16:34

By Ida
at 2013-07-04T17:34
at 2013-07-04T17:34

By Zanna
at 2013-07-06T06:15
at 2013-07-06T06:15

By Wallis
at 2013-07-07T23:53
at 2013-07-07T23:53

By Christine
at 2013-07-09T20:01
at 2013-07-09T20:01

By Kumar
at 2013-07-12T06:27
at 2013-07-12T06:27

By Ida
at 2013-07-12T18:46
at 2013-07-12T18:46

By Heather
at 2013-07-16T03:23
at 2013-07-16T03:23

By James
at 2013-07-16T15:39
at 2013-07-16T15:39

By Heather
at 2013-07-19T21:52
at 2013-07-19T21:52

By Gilbert
at 2013-07-23T09:18
at 2013-07-23T09:18

By Hedy
at 2013-07-24T01:24
at 2013-07-24T01:24

By Hardy
at 2013-07-26T03:44
at 2013-07-26T03:44

By Todd Johnson
at 2013-07-30T05:08
at 2013-07-30T05:08

By Tristan Cohan
at 2013-08-01T16:39
at 2013-08-01T16:39

By Poppy
at 2013-08-02T01:59
at 2013-08-02T01:59

By Hardy
at 2013-08-06T23:36
at 2013-08-06T23:36

By Gary
at 2013-08-09T07:12
at 2013-08-09T07:12

By Delia
at 2013-08-12T03:27
at 2013-08-12T03:27

By Mia
at 2013-08-13T05:50
at 2013-08-13T05:50

By Carol
at 2013-08-16T23:28
at 2013-08-16T23:28

By Hazel
at 2013-08-21T22:38
at 2013-08-21T22:38

By Barb Cronin
at 2013-08-24T19:55
at 2013-08-24T19:55

By Elma
at 2013-08-29T14:33
at 2013-08-29T14:33

By Gilbert
at 2013-09-01T22:33
at 2013-09-01T22:33

By Freda
at 2013-09-03T14:56
at 2013-09-03T14:56

By Tracy
at 2013-09-06T06:22
at 2013-09-06T06:22

By Dinah
at 2013-09-10T07:10
at 2013-09-10T07:10

By Jacob
at 2013-09-13T04:38
at 2013-09-13T04:38

By Belly
at 2013-09-13T11:57
at 2013-09-13T11:57

By Rebecca
at 2013-09-17T09:55
at 2013-09-17T09:55

By Megan
at 2013-09-17T20:50
at 2013-09-17T20:50

By Zenobia
at 2013-09-20T21:46
at 2013-09-20T21:46

By Suhail Hany
at 2013-09-21T02:23
at 2013-09-21T02:23

By Rachel
at 2013-09-25T21:27
at 2013-09-25T21:27

By Edward Lewis
at 2013-09-28T09:07
at 2013-09-28T09:07

By Linda
at 2013-10-01T18:09
at 2013-10-01T18:09

By Genevieve
at 2013-10-01T22:26
at 2013-10-01T22:26

By William
at 2013-10-04T04:22
at 2013-10-04T04:22

By Robert
at 2013-10-06T03:02
at 2013-10-06T03:02

By Catherine
at 2013-10-06T15:48
at 2013-10-06T15:48

By Dorothy
at 2013-10-09T05:07
at 2013-10-09T05:07

By Regina
at 2013-10-12T12:20
at 2013-10-12T12:20

By Kumar
at 2013-10-15T10:12
at 2013-10-15T10:12

By George
at 2013-10-15T23:12
at 2013-10-15T23:12

By Tom
at 2013-10-16T07:52
at 2013-10-16T07:52

By Ina
at 2013-10-18T02:57
at 2013-10-18T02:57

By Gilbert
at 2013-10-19T09:07
at 2013-10-19T09:07

By Kumar
at 2013-10-23T11:30
at 2013-10-23T11:30

By Sarah
at 2013-10-24T05:03
at 2013-10-24T05:03

By Erin
at 2013-10-26T03:44
at 2013-10-26T03:44

By Connor
at 2013-10-30T04:08
at 2013-10-30T04:08

By Rebecca
at 2013-11-02T14:57
at 2013-11-02T14:57

By Todd Johnson
at 2013-11-06T18:50
at 2013-11-06T18:50

By Leila
at 2013-11-11T15:59
at 2013-11-11T15:59

By Liam
at 2013-11-14T12:43
at 2013-11-14T12:43

By Donna
at 2013-11-16T05:32
at 2013-11-16T05:32

By Wallis
at 2013-11-16T11:20
at 2013-11-16T11:20

By Tristan Cohan
at 2013-11-19T15:03
at 2013-11-19T15:03

By Quintina
at 2013-11-20T19:47
at 2013-11-20T19:47

By Vanessa
at 2013-11-21T08:20
at 2013-11-21T08:20

By Catherine
at 2013-11-23T15:31
at 2013-11-23T15:31

By Faithe
at 2013-11-26T18:08
at 2013-11-26T18:08

By Kumar
at 2013-11-28T03:39
at 2013-11-28T03:39

By Donna
at 2013-11-29T07:40
at 2013-11-29T07:40

By Joseph
at 2013-11-30T15:36
at 2013-11-30T15:36

By Valerie
at 2013-12-02T09:02
at 2013-12-02T09:02

By Mason
at 2013-12-04T10:12
at 2013-12-04T10:12

By Freda
at 2013-12-07T01:12
at 2013-12-07T01:12

By Olga
at 2013-12-10T19:36
at 2013-12-10T19:36

By Yedda
at 2013-12-15T07:38
at 2013-12-15T07:38

By Caroline
at 2013-12-17T04:30
at 2013-12-17T04:30

By Yedda
at 2013-12-21T12:03
at 2013-12-21T12:03

By Brianna
at 2013-12-22T05:21
at 2013-12-22T05:21

By Iris
at 2013-12-26T01:06
at 2013-12-26T01:06

By Olga
at 2013-12-28T08:46
at 2013-12-28T08:46

By Margaret
at 2014-01-01T05:34
at 2014-01-01T05:34

By Jacky
at 2014-01-03T12:50
at 2014-01-03T12:50

By Susan
at 2014-01-03T22:58
at 2014-01-03T22:58

By Kristin
at 2014-01-08T02:35
at 2014-01-08T02:35

By Damian
at 2014-01-09T11:29
at 2014-01-09T11:29

By William
at 2014-01-09T14:40
at 2014-01-09T14:40

By Rachel
at 2014-01-09T17:36
at 2014-01-09T17:36

By Rosalind
at 2014-01-11T02:22
at 2014-01-11T02:22

By Faithe
at 2014-01-13T00:57
at 2014-01-13T00:57

By Hedwig
at 2014-01-15T06:56
at 2014-01-15T06:56

By Ophelia
at 2014-01-19T20:50
at 2014-01-19T20:50

By Heather
at 2014-01-22T06:16
at 2014-01-22T06:16

By Elma
at 2014-01-22T12:14
at 2014-01-22T12:14

By Catherine
at 2014-01-26T05:17
at 2014-01-26T05:17

By Olga
at 2014-01-26T22:45
at 2014-01-26T22:45

By Noah
at 2014-01-29T23:27
at 2014-01-29T23:27

By Hedda
at 2014-02-01T19:24
at 2014-02-01T19:24

By Edwina
at 2014-02-05T04:14
at 2014-02-05T04:14

By Skylar DavisLinda
at 2014-02-08T07:23
at 2014-02-08T07:23

By Mason
at 2014-02-13T00:01
at 2014-02-13T00:01

By Queena
at 2014-02-15T13:05
at 2014-02-15T13:05

By Hazel
at 2014-02-20T00:53
at 2014-02-20T00:53

By Hamiltion
at 2014-02-20T02:25
at 2014-02-20T02:25

By Delia
at 2014-02-24T21:03
at 2014-02-24T21:03
Related Posts
有關台中找好的憂鬱症醫生

By Barb Cronin
at 2013-06-29T13:28
at 2013-06-29T13:28
道歉方式!!!???

By Selena
at 2013-06-29T01:14
at 2013-06-29T01:14
朋友

By Elma
at 2013-06-28T17:50
at 2013-06-28T17:50
恐懼

By Olivia
at 2013-06-26T05:45
at 2013-06-26T05:45
奇怪,老是都是我要聽大家的

By Daph Bay
at 2013-06-26T02:02
at 2013-06-26T02:02