我是婚前恐懼,還是杞人憂天? - 結婚
By Vanessa
at 2019-05-10T01:54
at 2019-05-10T01:54
Table of Contents
目前跟男友有在規劃結婚,但發生了幾件事,加上我思考方式可能過於悲觀(或是說習慣
先想好最壞情況)
我突然很害怕結婚後的日子
希望版友們能給我一點安穩、鼓勵或建議
[背景]
我們兩個都將30歲,交往6年,今年第7年
預計明年9月結婚
男友是單親,台中人北上工作,非獨子,還有一個弟弟
我一般家庭,北部人,妹妹生病但可自理生活,亦有簡單工作,我們感情很好
[故事]
以前我們說好,婚後就是2個人住
不跟雙方家長住
剛認識他媽媽時,他媽媽告訴我,會把我當女兒疼,她自己肯定是好婆婆,而且她深受婆
媳關係之苦,以後不會想跟媳婦住,住隔壁就好,當時我還感到慶幸
但隨著男友媽退休,年紀增長,開始跟我男友說,以後想跟我們住一起
我聽到時很慌
我無法想像要隨時穿著內衣在家裡(即便是婆婆)、在家也要裝乖
跟男友反應後,男友表示記得我們的承諾,但他不知道該怎麼辦,畢竟媽媽把他扶養長大
,但男友還是有去說,想2個人住
男友媽沒說什麼,這件事就這樣懸著
最近,男友媽開始積極幫我們物色房子
找了「她朋友出租」的3房2廳房子
她媽媽很貼心,因為她朋友房子離我跟男友公司都不遠
選3放2廳是因為她來台北可以住,還沒生小孩前,弟弟偶爾也可以來住,一家團聚(?)
我又再次陷入恐慌
萬一他媽媽住到一半,提出以後要一起住呢?
(媽媽還說她很想養狗,想養在男友家)
萬一來作客,一住就是半年呢?
她媽媽會不會以後認為房子是她介紹的,就指手畫腳?
萬一跟房東衝突了呢?
會不會害他媽媽不好做人,我就被討厭?
(我有覺得他媽媽比較喜歡弟弟女友,職業一樣,政治立場又一致;他媽媽喜歡的政治人
物,我&我家都不喜歡)
萬一我家人也偶爾來住呢?
(男友不太能接受,因為我媽很嚴肅他不自在,但他媽即使看起來和藹可親,我也不自在
啊...)
這個問題讓我很焦慮
不想他媽媽來住(怕不願回台中)
又覺得我這樣的心態好缺德,人家媽媽辛苦扶養他長大,我怎麼可以有這樣的心態
但又覺得,我也沒要他跟我家人住啊
為什麼我就要冒這個風險?
然後又說過年要回台中(他媽親戚都在台中),不能在台北過,因為我們住北部,他比較
難跟家人親戚見面
萬一她媽媽半定居在台北了呢?
但除了這2件事外,跟男友的一切都很好
但也因為這兩件事,讓我很害怕面對這樣的婚姻...
有版友有類似意見願意分享嗎?
是我想太多了嗎?
我的問題還不敢明確跟男友說,怕被認為心態很糟糕..
先謝謝大家!
--
先想好最壞情況)
我突然很害怕結婚後的日子
希望版友們能給我一點安穩、鼓勵或建議
[背景]
我們兩個都將30歲,交往6年,今年第7年
預計明年9月結婚
男友是單親,台中人北上工作,非獨子,還有一個弟弟
我一般家庭,北部人,妹妹生病但可自理生活,亦有簡單工作,我們感情很好
[故事]
以前我們說好,婚後就是2個人住
不跟雙方家長住
剛認識他媽媽時,他媽媽告訴我,會把我當女兒疼,她自己肯定是好婆婆,而且她深受婆
媳關係之苦,以後不會想跟媳婦住,住隔壁就好,當時我還感到慶幸
但隨著男友媽退休,年紀增長,開始跟我男友說,以後想跟我們住一起
我聽到時很慌
我無法想像要隨時穿著內衣在家裡(即便是婆婆)、在家也要裝乖
跟男友反應後,男友表示記得我們的承諾,但他不知道該怎麼辦,畢竟媽媽把他扶養長大
,但男友還是有去說,想2個人住
男友媽沒說什麼,這件事就這樣懸著
最近,男友媽開始積極幫我們物色房子
找了「她朋友出租」的3房2廳房子
她媽媽很貼心,因為她朋友房子離我跟男友公司都不遠
選3放2廳是因為她來台北可以住,還沒生小孩前,弟弟偶爾也可以來住,一家團聚(?)
我又再次陷入恐慌
萬一他媽媽住到一半,提出以後要一起住呢?
(媽媽還說她很想養狗,想養在男友家)
萬一來作客,一住就是半年呢?
她媽媽會不會以後認為房子是她介紹的,就指手畫腳?
萬一跟房東衝突了呢?
會不會害他媽媽不好做人,我就被討厭?
(我有覺得他媽媽比較喜歡弟弟女友,職業一樣,政治立場又一致;他媽媽喜歡的政治人
物,我&我家都不喜歡)
萬一我家人也偶爾來住呢?
(男友不太能接受,因為我媽很嚴肅他不自在,但他媽即使看起來和藹可親,我也不自在
啊...)
這個問題讓我很焦慮
不想他媽媽來住(怕不願回台中)
又覺得我這樣的心態好缺德,人家媽媽辛苦扶養他長大,我怎麼可以有這樣的心態
但又覺得,我也沒要他跟我家人住啊
為什麼我就要冒這個風險?
然後又說過年要回台中(他媽親戚都在台中),不能在台北過,因為我們住北部,他比較
難跟家人親戚見面
萬一她媽媽半定居在台北了呢?
但除了這2件事外,跟男友的一切都很好
但也因為這兩件事,讓我很害怕面對這樣的婚姻...
有版友有類似意見願意分享嗎?
是我想太多了嗎?
我的問題還不敢明確跟男友說,怕被認為心態很糟糕..
先謝謝大家!
--
Tags:
結婚
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