婆婆變了 - 婚姻
By Gilbert
at 2021-02-13T15:13
at 2021-02-13T15:13
Table of Contents
我爸媽是屬於自己傳統但對女兒很開明的那種
自己雖然拜拜很勤,但掃墓國內這種儀式都不會要求晚輩
他們認為有心的信仰才有意義
也認為這些儀式沒有需要晚輩是可以不用繼續
像在結婚時沒辦婚禮、沒有要求任何傳統聘禮或儀式
就只有登記
而我公婆一開始感覺也很開明
結婚三年來沒有特別要求
每次回去就做和我老公一樣的家事
我老公洗碗我也就洗碗
煮飯時我也會問要不要幫忙(但婆婆通常說不用)
而我老公來我家時
是完全不用拜拜和做家事的
甚至也不一定要回來
我也只是過年掃墓跟著拜拜而已
但今天早上婆婆突然嚴肅的問
我和老公結婚幾年了?
要求明年開始跟著準備拜拜(不能再睡到9點
學習儀式 每個家族長輩都要主動打招呼叫對
她說
我們這輩已經很輕鬆
不用跟公婆住
不用弄大桌小桌
只要除夕夜拜天公跟著準備幾道菜就好了
要求我她也很不好意思
但因為台灣是父權社會
這些傳統還是要傳承
加上如果親戚問媳婦有沒有幫忙
她會不好交代
我自己聽完蠻錯愕的
他問我們結婚幾年我還傻傻想很久快忘記
如果上面所說
我自己也會主動問需不需要幫忙
拜拜和長輩打招呼什麼的也不牴觸
只是以前都是說你好 新年快樂(見面就會主動問好
以後要改成知道怎麼拜拜和精準叫出親戚稱呼
如果可以我還是希望 在家庭中扮演
和我老公和小姑一樣的角色 做一樣份量的事
但今天停下來我感覺蠻不平衡的
點大概是
1. 我畢竟還是相對外人,但要做超過她兒女的事(我老公和小姑都不用幫忙準備拜拜,為何是我?)
2. 婆婆要求的動機,感覺一部分來自家族親戚面子壓力(我老公不怎麼熱絡,也對傳統不屑一顧)像要求我比其他婆婆同輩親戚更早去向家族最長者打招呼,和精準記得和熱情的喊出長輩稱呼。感覺都是都在做她的面子。
尤其第二我感覺很不自在
還好我老公很支持我
目前討論方案
明年拜拜我主動要求幫忙,但我老公也要下海做一樣份量的事。(至少我心態平衡)
也要看看她是不是在挑軟的吃
第二方案
就是如果這種氛圍我不行
是不是有可能以後年就分開過
反正我不回老公家,老公不跟我回娘家
很公平
(雖然我老公還比較喜歡回我家)
想問版上第二方案的多嗎?能行嗎?
或是有沒有方案三
不然其實我沒特別想跟他回去說
不同意記者抄文
補充—
我沒有叫錯過 只是我比較不喜歡打斷別人硬要刷存在感 都是有看到或眼神對到會叫(他們
婆婆要求的招呼很像唱名那種
另外婆婆有說
前幾年和今年因為我穿的衣服很漂亮不好意思叫我幫忙 要我明年穿隨便一點
但今年回去我也就穿素T +運動品牌長裙@@
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Sent from JPTT on my iPhone
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Tags:
婚姻
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